Audio Newsletter:
Hi to you!
It’s been a minute, but I am back! Thank you for grace as I scuttle into the shadows to curl up and recharge. I had to find my words. Screw my head back on. I’ve taken a little step away from astrology and have gotten loose with my practices. Honestly, It’s been great and much needed. But this week I felt something reignite — as I knew it would at some point — And I have some shit to say!
So, we’re starting off this new season of the newsletter with a topic that everyone loves, but makes me seethe with frustration.
COMPATABILITY!
Maybe it’s the upcoming Eclipse in Libra on March 25th — which will likely disrupt the places we easily concede in favor of harmony — bringing the conversation of compatibility to the table in such a big way, but I can’t seem to escape it. My algorithms feel so comfortable sending me bad, broad, sensationalized astro-content. Then in true, non-coincidence fashion this question came to me from a client and I’m ready to go off.
Let’s get into it.
Is there any truth to compatibility in relationships based on astrology? I just matched with someone who’s an Aquarius. Can Taurus and Aquarius work? That doesn’t seem like one of the signs that could be compatible with me. But as we’ve talked more I’ve found out he’s a Cancer Rising, Gemini Moon. Usually, I would probably be like, oh well you’re not one of the signs that’s compatible with Taurus and I’d put less weight into the match. But I think I’m boxing myself in.
Trepidatious Taurus
This person shared with us that they are a Taurus Sun, Capricorn Moon, Pisces Rising
For the sake of transparency, the title of this newsletter is clickbait. This will not be the magic potion that protects you from the trials and tribulations that come with relating to others. This is not the ultimate compatibility guide. If anything, it might be an anti-compatibility rant that I truly believe will give you more perspective and useful insights than some broad-stroke It’s in the Stars: Meet Your Match article ever could. So, stick with me and then take what you like, leave what you don’t.
Relating will never be infallible. Anyone or anything trying to sell you a fool-proof relationship is a scam.
All the stuff you see about Sun Sign Compatibility is founded on the basis of harmony. “These signs get along with these signs.” But ease and harmony does not necessarily equal a substantial relationship.
Simple compatibility formulas tug on our failure aversion by suggesting, if like sticks with like, it will be easy. But if you have ever been in a relationships that has helped shape you — Whether it was long haul or quick and dirty — you’ll know that growth and maturity does not come from a place of ease.
It’s my stance that if you are drawn to someone, you are compatible. For love, for lessons, for helping us see ourselves in ways we couldn’t or wouldn’t on our own. It’s our short-sidedness that leads us to believe that compatibility equals The Notebook-style love story; making fantasies come true and assuring that you’ll take you last breath together, hand in hand. Never alone, never uncertain. And that’s very sweet. But the potential of compatibility is so much richer and complex than that.
Okay. I think I’m done with that rant.
Trepidatious Taurus, hi! Sorry, I just had to get all that out of the way before I addressed you. It was boiling on my chest.
I want to start with the notion that you are boxing yourself in by approaching dating this way. Objectively, yeah! Yes you are. Because you are so much more than a Taurus. You are much more than your Sun, Moon, and Rising placements. You, my friend, have an entire universe that is all your own whirling around inside you.
Every single aspect of your astrology is relevant in the realm of relationships. Every sign, every planet, every placement. Because every single aspect of yourself in relevant in the realm of relationships.
And the thing is, unless you are a very seasoned astrologer, you do not know enough to use astrology to vet people. It is only limiting you, undermining your instincts and genuine attraction, and turning the potential “success” of the relationship into a numbers game.
There is so much ego and fear and inner child and wounding from the past filters the our view. We’re never truly seeing anything objectively. And in the matter of love, we tend to bring all the times we’ve ever been hurt into the equation in order to protect ourselves. Because the truth is, relationships — the substantial, deeply intimate ones — they are always going to be a risk.
You can be compatible and discover your not a good match
You can be compatible and find that the timing isn’t right
You can be compatible and can still be triggered by them
You can be compatible and grow resentment
You can be compatible and break up
You can be compatible and ANYTHING COULD HAPPEN FROM THERE
So, my professional approach to compatibility is less about what energy will work together, and more about the dynamics at play between individuals.
In this case, using your Taurus Sun and his Aquarius Sun as an example. If you were to read a compatibility guide, they might give this match a big X. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Because Taurus and Aquarius are signs that challenge each other. They are both fixed. They are both unyielding and stubborn in their own ways. Two immovable forces. But the reality is, fixed signs love a little friction. Like rubbing two rocks together to create sparks. These signs help each other get out of their own way. Is it fun and easy? Probably not. But does this pair have the potential to help each other grow? Fuck yeah!
Looking at just your Big 3s, there’s so much harmony and dissonance between you. Spoiler alert, that is typically the case. I’ve never see two charts that fell seamlessly into one another — either because those couples don’t need me or because they don’t exist.
Here are some of my my of thumb for being astrologically responsible in relationships:
Do not look into someone’s astrology when you start dating. It will not show you if you are “right” to continue to see them. It will only give you a false sense of control and the presumption that you know them. I say, wait a month or two until you go snooping in their birth chart. Let people show you who they are and then their astrology can validate that.
Remember: All astrology manifests differently! No two Geminis Suns are the same. No two Leo Venus are the same, etc etc. No two charts are the same, just as no two people are the same. Just because you’ve been wronged by a person with a specific placement in the past, is not a reason to run for the hills when you come across another person with that placement.
Use your knowledge of someone else’s astrology as a framework for greater empathy. What a gift to have context for greater awareness of how to show up and love another person in the ways they need to be loved. Or to have empathy for another person where your nature and their nature clash. It’s the meet people where they are approach.
Most of the questions you have about the relationship in your life are found in your chart. Your relational nature, your values, your patterns, your past, your wounds, your attraction, your motivations, your insecurities are all externalized within the relationships you hold in this life. And examining those will bring you more insight than looking for answers elsewhere.
Trepidatious Taurus, all in all, I think you and your relationships would benefit from a little more wiggle room for you to trust yourself before you logic your way in or out of a relationship based on surface-level information.
We’ve been taught to play the Game of Love to win. But I invite you to consider the journey to find partnership to be a quest. One that may take twists and turns, overcoming and understanding, in order to find our way.
Thank you for reading! Thank you for being here!
If you have thoughts, feelings, concerns or comments about astrological compatibility, reply to this newsletter and let’s start a conversation!
If you have a question you’d like addressed in an upcoming newsletter, submit it here!
Until next week!